Cornbread & Beans
Food and Comedy! Listen to a brand new Podcast featuring two stand up comedians talking about podcast stuff and food. Darius Kennedy and Rio Riojas are two comics from the Midwest, Darius hails from the Windy City and Rio is out of the Mitten. And they both love to eat. Come chill out and hear as they go on trips and excursions down the foodie lane. Email us for advertisement opportunities.
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Cornbread & Beans
#45 - It's Rio's brother Austin w/ Austin Riojas
Hello & Welcome!
Cheers to another episode of Cornbread & Beans!
It's your favorite Food & Comedy Podcast. Come join the hosts, Darius Kennedy, a Windy City native and comedian, and Rio Riojas a comedian/actor and Michigander! Together they have created a great new and fun podcast. If you are a foodie and/or if you like comedy, well then this is just what you need to check out!
This episode was a riot from the second the mics were hot. We have the incomparable guest Austin Riojas, our co-host's Rio's little brother. If it's one thing we have, it's stories and we got to hear just a few of Austins. The ultimate dude's dude with an unwavering spirit of adventure. We loved catching up with him and getting him on the show. You are going to love this episode. We would like to thank all of our Entree 3000's for believing and supporting the show.
So sit back, crank up the volume and enjoy another episode of Cornbread & Beans.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2:It's cornbread and beans. Yeah, I'm busting out the flow. Please, please, we leave. We got another episode. Every single time we're bringing it slow. Then we pack it up, bring it up and bring it to you. Oh, no, what you gonna do, you're gonna download this episode for you and your crew, play it, laugh it, love it, no matter what, just make sure you tell the public. Yeah, austin over here about to get it right quick. Oh, oh.
Speaker 3:Hit that shit. Yeah, here we cornbread and beans. Yeah yeah, Brother, Ed. Darius chillin' oh yeah, dude Brother and Darius chilling, oh yeah, Sipping some beer, fitting some spits, Sipping some shit, gonna have a fucking fit. I hope you download this episode, Show it to you and your little ass hoes you know that girl go download it. Say please, please, please, please, let me show you what I'm gonna do to you, Cause this episode so fucking cool. Yeah, she laughing so hard she came out her butthole and she said I didn't know that was possible, but I did it. So, yeah, and I'm going to do it again, Because Darian said pick it, pick it, pick it, pick it, pick it, pick it, pick it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, beatbox bitch it, pick it, pick it, pick it, pick it. Yeah, beat box bitch, get in your face, not your sex box bitch. Yeah, I don't have sex, small penis. What you do, I do, I mean this. You don't rhyme on time. Yeah, I like lemons, not limes. Nope, when I rhyme, I'm on time, yeah.
Speaker 3:It's a rhyme.
Speaker 2:And that's how we wrap the motherfucking show.
Speaker 1:Cornbread and beans. Cornbread and beans. Wicked, wicked, wicked, wicked yeah.
Speaker 2:Beans, cornbread this is where it's at Motherfucker Little doody butts.
Speaker 3:Been doodling my pants since I was 10 Bitch.
Speaker 1:From Olympic Broyo Please try that cheeseburger.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's perfect, so good. So they have one in Six Flags out there in San Antonio, a double bacon cheeseburger. Yeah, oh fuck dude, so good and like. They're like you can tell like they're the frozen patties yeah, but they're like those frozen patties that are like the fucking seasoned ones and they're like fat. Yeah, fat out of it.
Speaker 2:Let me mark this Cornbread and beans new episode.
Speaker 1:Frozen hamburger patties. Piss me the fuck off, do they it I for? For if it's me, if it's a, if it's a family thing yeah, I almost made frozen patties today, but here's the thing though it's a quantity thing with frozen patties you never go frozen patties first, you go homemade.
Speaker 3:I got five kids.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know, but that's what I'm saying, but that's a different scenario, though you are under different circumstances. So you're getting good quality frozen patties, though You're not just getting bricks, right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and then, we're Also when I was. If it's just, though, you're not just getting bricks right, you will, yeah, and then we'll also also like if it's just like a quick day at the park. You know what I'm saying? Like it really don't matter.
Speaker 2:You know like we kind of just need to throw something in their bellies earlier today, austin was uh telling us to put an egg in the hamburger, you know, as a binder. Yeah, you had and I didn't, I just hand slapped those patties, slapped them on the grill and uh, and they came out good you know that's what I'm doing.
Speaker 1:I still got a little bit of heartburn yeah from the barbecue yeah um I do my shit. Yeah, it depends though.
Speaker 2:Well, so austin's like yeah, I'll grab the boxes, but if he is gonna make the patties, you're gonna do it. You Do it right.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, I mean, if you're going to Austin's, also a chef.
Speaker 2:He didn't go through the awkward, didn't know how to barbecue phase like I did.
Speaker 3:No, I did, I did. I did yeah, no, no, like barbecue, right. So I had my kids when, when we were 17, and we moved to San Antonio and we're living in this apartment by ourselves on the south side of San Antonio with our twins and we live next to this fucking dude named Mario and he was my neighbor, bro, this fucking, he was an electrician but he would like bring pallets or no, which I'm looking for we had another light.
Speaker 2:Oh, I can't find it, but uh, that's alright, I just thought we had it Ready to turn on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I forgot about it. I don't even know what to say.
Speaker 2:What's that? So you live next door To this grill master.
Speaker 3:Oh well, he was like this Really cool Mexican dude man and uh, he would bring home Pallets and shit and make fucking picnic tables out of them and everything okay and, like you know, he'd barbecue for us and shit, right.
Speaker 3:So, like the first time he's barbecuing for us, we're sitting there and he's got you know leg quarters and he's like, hey, when you grab the leg quarter, make sure you grab it, don't grab it by the bone, because the chicken gonna fall off the bone. I said, man, shut the fuck, you know what I'm saying. Like shut the fuck up, man. I've been eating barbecue my whole fucking life. Ain't nobody ever made no chicken fall off the fucking bone.
Speaker 3:So I grabbed it by the fucking leg to go put it on my plate and, sure as shit, the fucking whole chicken fall off the fucking bone. So at 17 years old, I got blessed by the grace of God to live next to this dude who showed me how to use a barrel pit, showed me the way yeah, he showed me the ways of the barbecue. And he was like hey, boy, I'm gonna take you here under my wing now. I'm from texas and, uh, you're gonna know how to cook some meat let's go that's meats in my hands, baby.
Speaker 2:I love it yeah, by the way, um, welcome to a brand new episode of corn bread and beans. Um, my name is rio riojas. I'm a local actor, comedian, podcaster. I do the show about food and comedy with my best friend, darius kennedy.
Speaker 1:That's that's me right here. My name is darius kennedy. I am a chicago born and bred comedian. I am a trained actor, but I don't get work because I don't try. But uh, we do podcasts, yeah, man. Yeah, we're not acting, though. This is real life yeah, this is real. No, we're podcasters shout out piv in theater. Shout out chicago actor studio, uh, my training grounds. And also, uh, shout out, uh, second city. Yeah, ifa program. I was in, um, but anyway, uh, today is a very special yeah, yeah, we have a very special guest.
Speaker 2:We have a very special guest. Let me introduce you to my brother, austin Riojas.
Speaker 3:What's up, man? What's up? My name's Austin motherfucking Riojas. We're happy man, aspiring comedian. I'm aspiring because I'm hoping that my brother makes it, and if he makes it, bam, I made it bitches. I'm a funny motherfucker brother makes it, and if he makes it, bam, I made it bitches. Yeah, you know I'm a funny motherfucker.
Speaker 1:All you got to do is just show up. Yeah, just show up. This is the easiest job. Just show up all the time and then eventually, like you'll get it yeah you'll find something.
Speaker 3:You'll find something that's showing up. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm like, yeah, then you make more money Boom.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I remember you from five years ago.
Speaker 2:Glad you still at it, gotta be better.
Speaker 1:Yeah, jokes on you motherfucker.
Speaker 2:I've been planning this for seven years. We got you for an hour. All right, you're headlining. Yeah, that's what I thought, bitch, I'm back. Hell, yeah, yeah, but, yeah, yeah. But we're all hanging out, my brother's hanging out. I was like dude, you got to jump on the podcast. I introduced him to Darius at our show. We did comedy at the Creek. Shout out, jason Pierpoint.
Speaker 1:Yeah, jason, love you bro. That was so much fucking fun See. Mark Bonto first time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, shout out Mark Bonto. I love that guy.
Speaker 3:The car alarm ended up going out in the parking lot. He'll fucking get you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we had a great time. It was a lot of fun too. I'm happy that you were there. You've been hanging out with us and we've been eating good too. We've had ceviche, we had barbecue. We've made barbecue like three different times since you've been here.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's been nice.
Speaker 2:You've cooked and then I've cooked and then you cooked, although, shout out, before the show at Comedy at the Creek, austin threw down and I made a reel of opening the grill and it's been taking off. It's been doing all right, it's been doing all right.
Speaker 1:Bro, feel free to come over. I got a smoker. Oh yeah, I throw it out anytime Gas grill and my favorite is my charcoal that I've had ever since I was a teenager Nice.
Speaker 2:Nice. All right, let's take a break.
Speaker 1:The grill that I had, the Weber that I had ever since I was a teenager, was handed down to me from my dad.
Speaker 2:Dang.
Speaker 1:And I learned how to first grill ribs.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:And then also grill fucking turkeys.
Speaker 2:Oh, nice, nice Turkeys, whole turkeys. Shout out Weber. I see that you got the big Weber in the back right now. That big kettle I was just telling Austin, I want a full-size one.
Speaker 3:Yeah. If they'd like to sponsor a cook-off, I'd definitely yeah, weber.
Speaker 2:We know you're fucking listening the fuck, so I miss a free grill. We love you. I grew up on your grills, you hear that he grew up on the hand-me-down Weber grill that fucking smoked like a champ.
Speaker 1:My dad gave me a Weber grill when I was in my teenage years and I still have it to this day. Thank you, Weber. What are we talking about? What the fuck? Are we talking about? Black Weber grill?
Speaker 2:I use Weber. Two days in a row I've been dialing in my little portable Weber tailgate. And season's coming, you don't want to bring a Weber grill out to the tailgate and the next thing you know you're burning every fucking thing. You're a little weird, yeah, the tailgate, and the next thing you know you're burning every fucking thing, or you can't get weird.
Speaker 1:Yeah, everybody's gonna be mad. Yeah, and they are not gonna want to eat your shit?
Speaker 2:no, and then you were. I'm already wearing michigan gear, you know at michigan state, so it's like around these parts yeah, yeah, around these negative woods.
Speaker 3:You know they don't like your kind around here so, austin, what is your favorite thing?
Speaker 1:to grill or to barbecue? Oh man, given a choice man.
Speaker 3:I'm trying to smoke a brisket, bro. Every time, ooh yeah, what do?
Speaker 1:you smoke your brisket in or on. What is your preferred choice of wood or coal? Yeah briquettes, bricquettes. Uh, what are you doing? Pound size, so I can get like a good hour.
Speaker 3:Uh, like, count on your dedication to your brisket. Oh man, all right. Well, I mean like, if we're gonna go all the way in, yeah, put your paper marinate. You know what I'm saying. Like I like to do, like the coke and jack marinade, you know, put it inside wait like jack, like Jack Daniels.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, whoa Put a whiskey in it Nice.
Speaker 3:Kind of let it sit and brine overnight.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:Get all nice and tender up. I'm a mesquite guy all the way. Yeah, mesquite wood All the way.
Speaker 1:Straight mesquite, you don't mix.
Speaker 3:No, no, charcoal briquettes no no, if you're going to smoke it, you're going to smoke it low and you're going to smoke it long. You know what I'm saying so you cook that motherfucker out at 200 for, you know, 12 to 16 hours, depending on the size. But I mean, I guess I don't really weigh the size, but like it's usually a $7 to $80 brisket, yeah yeah, so pretty big brisket and do you have like a time, like per pound?
Speaker 3:Nah time, like per pound, or just like you, just you just kind of feel it, yeah, man, well you know it's just cooking and you kind of just you see that bark coming, you know what I mean. And every once in a while you cut a piece off and see what you kind of look like and yeah, taste her you know, because it's beef, you know, so you can eat it whenever you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:So yeah, but you just want to yeah yeah, but you wait.
Speaker 3:Once you get it right, it has that little smoke ring all the way around.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you get that pink surprise Like hey, surprise, surprise that tannin bark on it, you know, tastes a little like candy.
Speaker 3:Come on.
Speaker 1:Surprise, surprise, that's my favorite part of barbecue and smoking. I did three different types of rubs on pork shoulder and my tear smoker with mesquite and hickory uh wood nice yeah, we got, we got some of that.
Speaker 2:You gave us some. Yeah, dude, 10 hours fire. Um, he gave us a bunch of raw pork show. Oh, actually, no, I'll tell you. Yeah, so you were smoking with, uh, mesquite and hickory yeah, so I used that.
Speaker 1:It was. It's a. It is a. A fucking permanent smoke. Smell like yeah, after you fucking heat it up in a microwave or you read like I froze some. Yeah, I did like a jama. Yeah, it was like a fucking spicy. All I needed was like super sweet barbecue sauce or super sweet you know sauce to compare that with, and it was just great. I did that. I ate that shit on tacos today with some fucking yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:A fucking pico that I made from my garden and then one fucking spring onion, or you know one green onion that I got from fucking La Estrella.
Speaker 2:Let's go, let's go. Yeah, he gave me a bunch of pork shoulder that he didn't smoke and we chunked it up and turned it into gardenitas. But he gave us some of the pulled pork. We put it on a loaded baked potato. We put it on some other meals too. But yeah, dude, you did a great job.
Speaker 3:Dude, I love cooking Me too. It's a beautiful thing when people eat your food and you're just sitting at that table and nobody's talking.
Speaker 2:If I'm in the mood to throw down. I love to know if I, if I'm in the mood to like throw down, I'll. I love to cook, but if I'm not in the mood, I'll throw down and I'll still taste like I'll throw down, you know so you're cooking either way? No, no, my, I'm not gonna lie. My wife, she does a bang up job. She's always planning out meals, she's always uh instagram posts that I've seen about your cooking.
Speaker 3:Are they? Uh, it's not even his shit.
Speaker 1:No, that's me, that's me.
Speaker 2:That's me. You notice, I don't post every day. I don't post every day. You're right If I posted every day. You're a teacher. Yeah, if I posted every day, about eight out of ten of those everyday posts would be Veronica. But when I post my food and then I was on like a three-day cooking, cooking spree I'd cook like three days in a row. I'll get some new canola oil and I'll have to break that bitch in. You know I'm talking about break that canola, although, dude, sad story.
Speaker 2:Uh, I have a cast iron waffle maker. Haven't made waffles in probably over a year and I just could not get it down. I couldn't get the temp right, I couldn't get the timing right. It was everyone, it was quick, dude man.
Speaker 1:It was so hot and the batter is thin bro.
Speaker 2:It was tough it had a big crank. It was a tough break because I do a good job with waffles. Those are one of my pride and joy, like breakfast foods, Kelly makes them.
Speaker 1:She has a little mini waffle maker she makes it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she never cleans it up. You know, it's like her staple, she's like made them.
Speaker 1:It just vlogs off Into the fucking abyss of the liver, girl.
Speaker 2:Yeah no, you got to clean while you cook, Otherwise abyss of the liver girl. Yeah no, you, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta clean while you cook, otherwise your spouse is just gonna get mad at you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, then you also have no surface area to do shit that you need to do, bro yeah, yeah, yeah you know, like when you need to chop some shit up, you gotta do dishes. That's just lame. Yeah, when you're on your like cooking fucking you know. I mean you're fucking all right master chef in it yeah, dude, you're in your brain. You're like I am the best chef and you know, I mean yeah nobody can chef like this no, no everything's under salted what is the sea salt?
Speaker 2:no, it's no salt like matt damon and fucking uh uh.
Speaker 1:What is that I was going to say? A beautiful minded shit. Good Will Hunting.
Speaker 3:Matt Damon and shit.
Speaker 2:You like apples. What's the square root? How you like them, apples Boom.
Speaker 1:My boy just schooled you. My boy's smarter than you, dude, I have that fucking movie on VHS, bro. I recorded that over some movie I stole from Blockbuster.
Speaker 2:Let's go, let's go.
Speaker 3:I was a big fan of that movie.
Speaker 2:I was thinking about Blockbuster Shout out to one of my co-workers, ben Affleck. I met him, bummed a cigarette off of him. He's all right. He's all right. He's a really cool dude, although, I'll tell you this, his, uh, his handshake a little weak.
Speaker 2:Yeah, ben affleck that's because he got a weak handshake that's because he was going through that divorce and he just had nothing yeah, he was trying to play bruce wayne and like give some random mexican on set who kept calling him ben affleck ben affleck, ben affleck, he's like dude, I'm trying to be bruce wayne.
Speaker 2:Ben affleck, I fucking love you, man, fucking love you. Ben affleck, you ever been on? Tell him, steve dave, how come you haven't done kevin smith's podcast? Know, just ask. Yeah, he was cool, he was cool. He's like get away from the crafty, take it easy, take it easy. You know, I have a one line role. We're the same, me and you.
Speaker 1:We're the same big time in us over here. Commercials fucking you know movie you know fucking. Commercials, fucking this guy. Another commercial.
Speaker 3:She was amazing though.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wearing Chiefs gear. Weird yeah, it was weird.
Speaker 2:I had to sign an NDA but they had me in the Louisville Cardinals, so I was like you know, go, what's his name? The quarterback Lamar Jackson. Go, Lamar Jackson, you know, he's the only Louisville Cardinal I could think of out of the top of my head.
Speaker 1:Rio's just crying.
Speaker 2:He's like slow-mo, he's like there you go yeah, the director's like Rio, hey, you're happy, you're in a good hotel room and you're doing a lot of good research, all right, so you're happy, yeah. And every time it's like the yeah, I just kept crying.
Speaker 3:That's what they didn't really understand, you know they cast him for this role and they were like you know it's such a minor role, you know Anybody can do it, it's easy. But like yo, you were literally asking this man To betray everything.
Speaker 2:Not only his state, no, no, no. But like his, colleges, His.
Speaker 3:He's not even rooting for his quarterback, you know. And to do it with an enthusiastic face, Like commercial I know he's signed to NDA, but when it comes out commercial for real, like look at your boy, it's going to get a lot of play, you hurt him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a lot of airplay in the South.
Speaker 3:Yeah, man, that's a lot of my games you're playing, man, you know what I'm saying. So, like shout out to the man it's all right though he's, why would you do him like that? Give him more work. He has children.
Speaker 1:And bills to pay. You made him suck a dick.
Speaker 2:He was a whore for you.
Speaker 1:This guy was sucking.
Speaker 2:This guy was jiggling balls. I sucked dick from the back.
Speaker 3:He was over there sucking dicks and finger popping assholes, fucking all day, not even for his own people.
Speaker 1:He's a good guy. Look at what you made him do.
Speaker 2:You guys turned me into a dirty slut. Why?
Speaker 1:It wasn't even a union gig. You get down for the union, but for Randall's.
Speaker 3:Randall's. That's why they only got handies. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:They told me it was union. They lied to you. Yeah, union, this dick. I was like dang. I was like I am in this dick, dang it. They're all together, all right, all right, all right. Enough about getting fucked by the industry All right, I don't like.
Speaker 1:It Makes me feel bad.
Speaker 2:Where the fuck are we? Catch up, weekly catch up, but never on a hot dog, never on a hot dog.
Speaker 3:Look at me.
Speaker 2:I put ketchup on a hot dog. Yeah, Wait what.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:What do you mean? If I'm going to gobble a glizzy, that motherfucker going to have it. No, listen, we are a couple of glizzy goblins, all right. What is happening? We're some glizzy goblin animals, but ketchup for when we get there. Austin's jumping the gun a little bit right now.
Speaker 1:He can have the floor when that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:Lo siento my brother.
Speaker 2:We just want to know. What have you been doing? Yeah, why are you putting ketchup on hot dogs when you're traveling all over the country?
Speaker 3:Well, this past week we've been pretty mellow. We've been in Michigan hanging out with Rio. Yeah, mellow and out.
Speaker 2:The week before was and I loved it Been so happy. Oh my gosh, my brother's here Get to look at him with my eyeballs.
Speaker 1:Dude it's been fun.
Speaker 3:Dude, I've heard I can brothers I'm here, yeah, yeah, and I just for real, just fuck yeah that's fucking right, dude.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry about that audience at least once.
Speaker 2:Episode one of us will drop our mic. All right, we do, we're professionals, all right we're sorry about it.
Speaker 3:We're sorry about it um, but the week before our well, actually the two weeks before, whether, yeah, the past month we purchased a bus. Um, before that I was on the pct. I was hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. I did the desert section. I hiked for about 40 days and around 600 miles. It was a fun time. I actually got hella flighted.
Speaker 1:I'm not gay, but I just want to suck your dick. It's pretty small, it's easy.
Speaker 2:How many miles did you do?
Speaker 1:I can't even bring two laundry baskets up, two flights of stairs. This motherfucker's in the desert walking around, yeah.
Speaker 3:Funny story, man, right, like my first day, right? I go out there and I think like I'm like, yeah, you know I'm going to be hiking, it's going to be beautiful, I'm going to take my laptop and I'm going to finish my novel you know what I'm saying and write all the time. So I take my fucking laptop, I take my iPad. I have charges for all that shit. I have like 15 extra pounds, right? So my fucking, my pack is like 80 pounds.
Speaker 3:Mind you, like most people's packs are like 40, 50, 50 loaded, Fuck Right, and I'm like hiking all this shit and wondering why I'm dying dude.
Speaker 1:You're not even in the army and you're doing all this. This guy's like fuck the RB, David Goggins, whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:I got some epic pictures, epic mushrooms. There was one point where the wind was blowing 70 miles an hour and I was going through the Hatchipi and there's a wind farm and you're up 7,000 feet and there's a cliff face and the wind was blowing so hard. I just took my pack off and flew with the Eagles and shit. I just kind of like laid, leaned over the edge, like I'm like kind of like a, like a 45 over and that's crazy. The wind carried me and shit, and it was just fucking badass dude, like just a lot of beautiful things and then, yeah, that's crazy yeah, then we went bought a bus because, like I, had two heart attacks um
Speaker 3:prior. So like life, you know. So we bought a bus and we're renovating it to a tiny home and kind of just touring the US. We went to Oklahoma, did some cliff jumping in Oklahoma, stopped out there in Missouri, we did the Lake of the Ozarks in Missouri. That was pretty cool. We did Six Flags in Chicago and stayed in Kenosha for a night and then booked it to the UP, chilled in the UP for a little bit, came down, did Northern Michigan and now we're just kind of here.
Speaker 2:I feel like we should keep a segment on the podcast called Austin's Weekly Ketchup what's going on with Austin when he at what's going?
Speaker 3:on.
Speaker 2:He's still putting ketchup on glizzies.
Speaker 3:I'm still putting ketchup on glizzies. I still put ketchup on glizzies, man, I mean, you can do that, if you do that.
Speaker 1:I mean, you really cemented your place in life so you can put whatever you want on your glizzy yeah.
Speaker 3:I had a bear encounter, I had an online encounter out there.
Speaker 2:All right, oh yeah, you guys didn't swap bear encounters.
Speaker 3:I got hella flighted yeah. So I yeah like got sick on the trail.
Speaker 2:And got super dehydrated.
Speaker 3:I had like a liter and a half of water left when I got hella flighted out but my body wouldn't ingest any water and I was just like duking out the back door and fucking sweating it out. It was already almost 100 degrees, dookie breezing.
Speaker 1:I had like fucking a gut Explosive diarrhea.
Speaker 3:I think my water got contaminated, and then I drank it.
Speaker 3:With just straight runs.
Speaker 3:I tried booking it off the mountain and I called 911.
Speaker 3:And I was like, hey, I got two and a half miles to get to this dirt road and I'm going to get there. But when I get there two and a half miles to get to this dirt road and I'm going to get there, but when I get there, like I'm going to need to get off this fucking mountain or I'm going to fucking die and they were like all right, and I lost reception and like coming around the bed, literally I was on the phone with the sheriff and I come around the bed and you just hear this fucking, and like there's a fucking mom, like fucking coming up this way, cubby, stuck in the bramble, like fucking sniping at me, and I was like fucking I fell and I was like fuck you motherfuckers, you know what I'm saying. I was like you gotta get big and shit, yeah, and I'm loud and shit. And like the cubby scampered up and the mama went down and shit, and I fucking booked it forward and god, I went two and a half miles like 17 and a half minutes, bro.
Speaker 3:Like fucking booked it off that mountain and then just sat there and waited for the helicopter and it came and picked me up. They did uh, three, three bags, almost three bags of iv and I pissed fucking t so like I was oh, I've been there before. Yeah, like yeah super you are done, so yeah that's crazy like yeah, it was. It was nothing, but it was uh. I called my brother immediately like after I got out the hospital. I was like, hey, bro, yeah. You just had a helicopter flight, man Sue.
Speaker 2:No, yeah.
Speaker 3:I was like, and he was like, dude, now go back on the trail. And I was like, yeah, I think I might just go back up to the pass and just stay at the pass and stuff. He's like no, bro, just go home.
Speaker 1:I think I'm tough when I bring two garbage cans out at the same time. This motherfucker is fighting off hordes of bears on a mountain, while being dehydrated and nowhere to be found or friends or help in sight.
Speaker 2:So glad that you're all right, though, bro, so glad that you made it and you're here Like it's crazy.
Speaker 1:Anything I've ever done, ain't shit, I ain't shit.
Speaker 3:Nah, man, you know everybody. Oh no, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, shit, all and shit. Oh man, there you go. Oh no, all right, all right, all right, All right, all right, all right.
Speaker 2:All right though, man. Yeah, so we've been cooking, we've been hanging, we went and played golf the other day, yeah, we went and played golf yesterday. We're probably going to go out and play again next week, of course.
Speaker 3:Honestly here. Yeah, uh, I can't really say it enough.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's just good, my brother has been amazing. And then meeting derrick, yeah yeah. Then youtube just hitting it off too. That shit was so sick. That's just pretty destined um, but no dude, like it's just like when I meet all your friends and they automatically, like when deon came here, like you were, like dude I was like oh, I'm relieved he's finally here now, like just have fun.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know I mean like, but like same shit, bro. Um, I think we come from the same meaning with just enjoying life, enjoying people yeah which is, uh, the camaraderie that we share, which is awesome dude, it's so sick man fucking some.
Speaker 2:It's some body coat. Yeah, uh, but let's get into the fucking Munch Madness. We've been chatting, we've been talking, but it's time, it's time.
Speaker 3:We haven't looked at it yet. I've been following this since day one, you guys.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:It's your turn. It's your turn, and I have called Rio every fucking time. You guys have made a very controversy one, and my biggest one is Maxwell's. Before we even flipped that over, we had to pull it. Nobody knew it. I want to let you guys know it was a dud man.
Speaker 1:They didn't get the respect because, nobody knew it. You can't watch it fail over and over, yeah.
Speaker 2:And it took a lot too before we did. We didn't want to change it. Yeah, because he's from Chicago and I love fucking Maxwell's you know.
Speaker 3:Well, it's a steeple. I guess more than anything it's nostalgic to go get those fucking soggy fries and orange soda and greasy dog Dude.
Speaker 1:It's just like so many times I've been in the city with people from where I grew up at, or I get relatives that come up from fucking Atlanta and shit Like my cousin Leslie freaks out over fucking Maxwell.
Speaker 2:Let's go.
Speaker 1:Hey, let's go get some Polish's and shit. Yeah, dude.
Speaker 3:And it's just you know.
Speaker 1:You got to go to the right one, or else you might get shot or fucking robbed.
Speaker 3:Well, the one on Independence is pretty safe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it depends man.
Speaker 3:What time? Before 10 pm. Yes, well, let's flip this bad boy.
Speaker 2:Let's flip this bad boy. So the way we do it is we go over your final four. This is the north, this is the east, south and west.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 2:And we're going to talk about who you have representing each division and how you got to that point.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I love how you guys just piled the fucking hood fucking fast foods in one coast Like Rally's, carl's Jr, white Castle and Popeye's, you know like you don't find Rally's or White Castle anywhere other than well, white Castle definitely not outside the hood and Rally's not outside some country bumpkins or some fucking Mexican motherfuckers working the fields.
Speaker 1:There's a White Castle in Brighton. Yep White as fuck Prove ask ask ask uh, robert uh, where's brighton?
Speaker 3:at where's brighton? At um by detroit yeah yeah metro detroit right, right, right, right uh but it is white. It's pretty white, right I'm trying to think of it bright but I haven't been there.
Speaker 1:We got to go, all right.
Speaker 2:All right, All right. So right out the gate, you're only the second person ever to have Chick-fil-A win in the North. Well, yeah, man.
Speaker 3:Like Arby's garbage, mcdonald's fuck the garbage.
Speaker 2:You got Taco Bell being a first to exit.
Speaker 3:Well, all right, taco bell's only good when you're drunk and you don't have to chew old reliable so it has a spot it does have a spot, but not against like, like literally. I'll take chick-fil-a, sober or drunk. I'll take taco bell when I'm drunken, or stupor stone and don't want to chew you don't have a hankering for, uh, chicken quesadilla, though.
Speaker 1:No, I don't like their case or crunch wrap supreme.
Speaker 3:I don't like the contract. What I did like is their double deckers and they took it off the menus. But you can make it. Yeah, you do make it, but then now people don't even know what you're talking about. You can explain it and it like kills a buzz, you know so so you got taco bell going out quick.
Speaker 2:Chick-fil-a's going over arby's yeah, arby's over mcdonald's. Is that tough for you to choose, or no, not?
Speaker 3:at all?
Speaker 2:Were any of these actually tough, or were they snap decisions Snap?
Speaker 1:decisions.
Speaker 3:What's your?
Speaker 1:favorite thing at Arby's.
Speaker 3:My favorite thing at Arby's is just their double melt with cheese and horsey sauce.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:It's you know.
Speaker 1:I'm a beef and cheddar guy. Fucking Kaiser roll fucking horsey sauce and fucking Arby's sauce.
Speaker 3:Don't get me wrong. I mean it horsey sauce and fucking Arby's sauce.
Speaker 1:Don't get me wrong. It's good. It's a certain flavor to it. Arby's is great, just for sandwiches, their sides. They try too hard, bro, the fucking jalapeno cheddar bites or whatever, with their fucking sweet and sour, whatever sauce is stupid as shit.
Speaker 3:It's never. It's just always a hollow shell, because they always deep fry them too long yeah exactly, you know, and also, you got to remember, I'm coming out of Houston, so like we had so many good food options, you know, yeah, of course, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Spoiled. Yeah, Just like me. I'm from Chicago, yeah, like you know like, yeah Now.
Speaker 2:Now in the east East you got Portillo's winning it up. That's not tough. Long John Silver Was who it had to beat out to represent. We've recently discovered White people don't trust Long John Silver Did you know that?
Speaker 3:Did you know that? I did not know that I'll pass. They don't like the hush puppies.
Speaker 2:Even like the trash, we've had white trash, we've had like well educated and didn't matter.
Speaker 1:The entire spectrum. White folks are like don't you dare go to fuck you.
Speaker 3:Have y'all had Fat Steve on the show yet I would be excited to see him.
Speaker 2:Oh, you know what we haven't?
Speaker 3:He's probably, he's probably fucking fought somebody for a gift certificate for some hush puppies and lemon wedges, I'll fuck you up very nice about it, though I'll get you nice guys are always the one you gotta watch out for man punches you in the nuts.
Speaker 1:He's just like, yeah, I'll have, I'll have as long as you hear as you come to, I'll have, I can breathe. I got beat up by a dude in the parking lot of fucking.
Speaker 2:Excuse me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I hate that place man.
Speaker 2:I've been waiting for that fucking burp to come up.
Speaker 1:I almost want to beat you on your back, like you, little toddler.
Speaker 2:Is that milk too hot, baby boy? Funny thing is there is a video of Pat Steve Like throwing somebody on the ground Out in the parking lot of an open mic in Detroit Dude.
Speaker 1:I never got physical, other than one time At an open mic in chicago, and it was at mutiny, and mutiny was a punk based club like club and then we turned it into an open mic spot. My buddies used to run it and everybody would leave from power hour yeah and then they would walk over to mutiny and everybody be be fucking hammered dude. And this one dude said something to me and I punched him in the stomach.
Speaker 3:One stage.
Speaker 1:And I felt bad about it. I was like and then he was like you know what I mean? I was like that's not good.
Speaker 2:That's not good, I didn't even aim for the face.
Speaker 1:He did something fucked up to me or said something fucked up to me. That's why I punched him like instinctively. I was like dude, I don't disrespect you like that, you just right in the gut.
Speaker 2:I wish I was there. I would have followed up With a punch to the face.
Speaker 1:I don't want to be around people If somebody bothers me and y'all around, let's just do the next one.
Speaker 3:So, speaking of making somebody poop in the stomach, right, my first big. So you remember the Tough man shit, right, the Tough man contest back in Bay City. It kind of went big, but it was like black and yellow and people from the fight or people from the crowd could come in together and fight the Tough man of the contest I don't know nothing yeah, our door ran yeah our door.
Speaker 3:So I went to one when I was like a toddler man, maybe like like 10 or 11 years old, and my dad's not toddler? Well yeah, but like I was yeah, you know what I'm saying you know, like you's a big boy I made big boy poopies, but you know I'm 10, I'm a big boy so my dad rolls me out my stroller right, so like we're at this fight right, and like this dude comes up and like he's like I asked the crowd who's gonna fuck?
Speaker 3:you know, fight me, blah, blah, blah. This big motherfucker's like come on, kick your ass right. I'm like big fat motherfucker. Gets in the ring, he's sitting there and he puts on the boxing gloves and comes out there and that dude comes down and just hits him right in the gut and you just hear.
Speaker 2:He poopied himself.
Speaker 3:So funny story.
Speaker 2:His white shorts turned brown.
Speaker 3:He hit the brown note.
Speaker 2:It was hilarious.
Speaker 3:Coffee tits, I shit myself, so he didn't feel alone.
Speaker 1:Shitting yourself is cool. Rub shit butts. Have a shit contest.
Speaker 2:Alright, we're going to move on to the south, alright. Alright, no, you're good. That was a good story. All right, we're going to move on to the South, all right. All right, sorry, no, you're good, that was a good story. You got Wendy's. You got Wendy's winning the South division.
Speaker 1:I hate you. Right now. He goes sorry After going in depth about poop and butts.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, it's all right. And then he says, sorry, he names it poop in butts. No, it's alright. And then he says, sorry, he names it Fucking liars.
Speaker 1:No, it was a good story. I liked it. It was a lot of poop.
Speaker 2:It's cool talking about poop, bro.
Speaker 3:We don't shy away from poop contact. Don't worry, we're alright. Moving on to the next segment. I apologize.
Speaker 2:Taking up so much time. No, no, no, You're not bro, You're fucking perfect. You're perfect. It's the perfect fucking episode. Alright. We just want to know why do you have Subway and Wendy's and why do you have Wendy's beating Subway to be the champ? You're not down with a $12 footlong anymore.
Speaker 3:No, I don't like a $12. Well, I do like a $12 footlong Chicken Bacon Ranch. I don't like the $12. Well, I do like the $12 footlong Chicken bacon ranch. I'll pay that. You'll pay $12 for a chicken bacon ranch. Yeah, bro, all day Over a fucking Little Caesars. Yeah, dude, little Caesars. Turn into cardboard, alright. So if you're going to ask me to pay $7 for cardboard and hard, burn, but it's a fast food pizza.
Speaker 2:It's the only fast food pizza, dude, if you're gonna.
Speaker 3:Cardboard and hard bread. Like cardboard and hard bread. He's so right, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna pay the $12,.
Speaker 1:You know I survived off of Little Caesar's Pizza when I was a bachelor. Like every move, bro. It changed dude, and then, like it would stay in your gut for like three days, bro, Like just sit there. Yeah, bro, I don't know if they changed the recipe, but back then, dude, yeah, I would have voted for what Austin voted for too.
Speaker 2:Okay, so you got Wendy's taking the South over Subway. Even though Wendy's tried to kill me. Yeah, Wendy's tried to kill Darius.
Speaker 3:Well, you know, I'll fuck Wendy's and just put Subway up there. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:No, Finally in the West you got White Castle taking over Rally's. That's surprising for me, because me and you, we have Rally's pretty near and dear to our heart.
Speaker 3:Yeah, when I found out Rally's was also called Checkers, I said they ain't consistent, you know, and it broke my heart.
Speaker 2:Damn White Castle, is White Castle everywhere.
Speaker 1:Austin, please, I'm begging you. What's up, big dog, I grew up off of Checkers. Yeah, and I understand the brand merge.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then I moved here and guess what's down the street Rally. I still go there.
Speaker 3:Well, let me ask you a question Does Checkers got Kool-Aid?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've never had Kool-Aid At either one of them. I've never tried Rally's got.
Speaker 3:Kool-Aid at either one of them. I've never tried it Really. They've had Kool-Aid until Checkers came. Checkers got Kool-Aid too.
Speaker 2:They have to.
Speaker 3:Houston has Checkers and we went to Checkers and I wanted to get me a big fat Bradley Burger and the fries with a great Kool-Aid and I couldn't. Well, they probably didn't have grape, no, they didn't have Kool-Aid period.
Speaker 1:Does your Houston checkers have? Dang, I was upset highly Does your Houston checkers have? What the Dude? You just tossed me Sweet tea.
Speaker 3:Yeah, everybody's got sweet tea.
Speaker 1:In the South? Right yeah, but they don't have that up here. Dude, we can't get sweet tea at rallies? Well, no, but they don't have that up here dude, we can't get sweet tea at rallies?
Speaker 3:Well no, but you can get like Kool-Aid at rallies.
Speaker 2:Try it. We'll go tomorrow and see you can't get Kool-Aid at rallies anymore.
Speaker 1:It's a sound thing, bro. See, now you can't, because Checkers bought them.
Speaker 3:That's what happened.
Speaker 2:Dang I'm charged.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm charged about this.
Speaker 2:We've got to invest.
Speaker 3:So for the longest time you can pull up at this Rally's right here in Lansing Before they did the bag of fries, you get a big old fries and a large grape Kool-Aid. I used to walk down that Saginaw all the time and I'd get it all the time Really Sit outside and I'd just get Kool-Aid out.
Speaker 2:All right. Well, let's get to the championship. In the championship round, you got White Castle versus Portillo's, and for the winner, who do you?
Speaker 3:got White Castle.
Speaker 2:Man.
Speaker 3:White Castle.
Speaker 2:Over Portillo's.
Speaker 3:And just recently Hold up we go why? Well, just recently, like, I fed all my five of my kids and myself after a full day of typhoon typhoon, you know, the whole water park and Six Flags and all kinds of shit for $70. And we ate fat with leftovers. Yeah, and it was fresh. Did you get two Crave cases? No, we got they running a special with 10 cheese sliders for $8. So we got 40 sliders and 36 chicken rings.
Speaker 2:Dang.
Speaker 3:And a bag, a bunch of fries.
Speaker 2:Bro.
Speaker 3:We had like a feast.
Speaker 1:You gotta go Crave Case bro.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It's cheaper. Well, no, right now that deal's cheaper. The Crave Cases was like $30 for like $32.
Speaker 1:And they're $10 for $8.
Speaker 3:Just a dollar. Well, no, three times eight is $24. So like $8 difference. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was like no, that's crazy.
Speaker 1:It matters when you got 78 kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:We making them bucks Dude what a great bracket, though.
Speaker 2:What a great bracket. I get it. Yeah, great reasoning. Yeah, great reasoning. Everything that you chose. Even if you said it was a snap decision, you had a reason behind it and, honestly, that's what we want.
Speaker 1:We want to hear what your favorite is and then tell you why it should have been Portillo's.
Speaker 3:Portillo's is such a niche though, if you're not within like Metro Chicago.
Speaker 1:That's you and your wife. That is like Kids. Fast food to kids is fast food. It don't matter if it's a fucking dude in a red and yellow suit or if it's a dude with a burger hat, it's fast food. They're excited about it, don't matter. The quality of fast food only dwindles down when you fucking become an adult. And then you're looking for the fact that. I'm spending money on this shit.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I want to enjoy it, but you all need to enjoy it and save money at the same. It needs to be economical and tasty at the same time. Yeah, I understand the white cat. I fucks with it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, we all like the Portillo my wife loves fucking White Castle.
Speaker 3:I fucks with it.
Speaker 2:My wife loves fucking White Castle.
Speaker 3:If I'm going to wait 10 to 15 minutes for a meal, I'd rather go in and wait the 20 to 30. Or sit down. So at that point it's no longer fashion.
Speaker 2:I'll wait 35 minutes in the McDonald's drive-thru for one McChicken.
Speaker 1:But I get it, I get it bro.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I get it. I get it Shout out to my wife for being patient with me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, to be able to provide I mean, I know this sounds so funny or goofy, but be able to provide your kids and your family with White Castle like at your leisure, yeah, and you all have a big family. It's pretty fucking dope man Like nobody can be like. Yeah, I fucking ate 80 fucking burgers and now I still got some left over.
Speaker 3:Who else? You know what I'm saying. Yeah, I feel like Oprah when I come in there. You know what I'm saying. You get a burger, you get a burger, you get a burger, you get a burger, you get a burger.
Speaker 2:You want a chicken wings, you get a burger. Let's go.
Speaker 1:Let's go. We never had the choice as kids. We never had the choice. We got to eat whatever the fuck was given to us yeah, yeah. And, dude, my mom despised. I was telling my fiance this shit because I don't understand being a parent, right, I don't understand being a parent in this. Uh uh. This aspect is snacks, dude. I grew up in a household where my mom grocery shopped and then we had dinner and then, if you were hungry, you made yourself a sandwich. Maybe you ate a couple of chips to tie you over.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:Until when your mom was done with making dinner. Yeah, and like the whole fucking snack thing I do, we, we did not have snacks. Yeah, me and my brother were fucking star for four hours If my mom was making meatloaf. Yeah, and smell it and hate it. It's good for you.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then you clean your plate afterwards, bro, your plate is clean. Yeah, but like yeah, man, so I went on a tangent a little bit.
Speaker 2:No, it's fucking beautiful.
Speaker 1:It makes sense when you have a family your family is a lot larger than most but the fact that you can be like yo we're gonna eat White Castle, we're gonna enjoy it. We're gonna eat a lot of this shit, you're gonna get tired of it and we're gonna have some for probably late night tonight.
Speaker 3:Dude, my family is like so big. Whenever we go out to eat like we just like, as long as we're out under 100, that's a nice day like and like that's lunch, or do you know? What I'm saying like as long as like as long as we did, like we went out and it's under 100 bucks, we're like oh, hell, yeah, that's good, dude.
Speaker 1:You know like like seven people eating you know, in today's market no, dude, I hear yeah, for real frequent buffets, or do y'all look for straight up deals at restaurants?
Speaker 3:um, I mean, it really depends, I think. I think I like restaurants more, but yeah, I was gonna say you just go.
Speaker 2:If it happens to be, then that's just like a happy coincidence. But they're not.
Speaker 3:I don't think yeah, we're like mom and pops dude.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because you get treated better, your plate sizes are bigger and shit you know you go to. I haven't been a golden harvest yet. I want to go there badly. It's alright, but it's a local spot and they use what they have.
Speaker 3:And then they spit it out and that's it and. I get that there's a certain quality about it and it's super cool. So, like traveling the country, we've seen a lot of like. Literally it'll look like a house, but the house will have just a sign and just like cafe you know I'm saying and like between these hours in this, yeah, yeah, you know, and so like we're kind of man, yeah yeah, no, that, and that's badass too.
Speaker 2:Like that you're, you're going out there, you're getting, you're getting these experiences and you're, yeah, you're seeing, like because there's, there's culture, you know, between these coasts, you know, from California to, and people aren't even aware of it. You know they go spend a week in Europe and think they're worldly, but like you haven't been down to St Louis. You haven't been to St Louis.
Speaker 3:Yeah, exactly All of the ecosystems within itself. So we have rainforests, we have deserts, yeah forests we have.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying, so it has it all here dry lands highlands deltas. We got a fucking delta here. Yeah, lansing, I bet you, if you ask anybody that lives in delta township what a delta is, bro, they're gonna be like I don't know dude.
Speaker 2:Fuck yeah though, man. Uh, let's get a quick read from our sponsors.
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Speaker 2:Let them know you're in Bell Street.
Speaker 1:Sorry, 517-356-4305.
Speaker 2:That's right. Let them know you're in Entree 3000 and that Rio and Darius sent you. And then we also have Casa Del Rey, Casa Del Rue Dude I say it wrong every time. Casa Del Rue Guess who's cutting that?
Speaker 3:That's getting snipped.
Speaker 1:On center. And what is that Cesar Chavez, across the street from? What is that? The Dairy Freeze, or whatever. I love that place too, the Dairy Freeze is right in the corner. Say hi to Richard. He's the owner. Messiah is his son. They will take care of you. Man, Mention cornbread and Beans and you should get a 10 or 15% discount.
Speaker 2:Yep 10 or 15%. We want to thank all the Entree 3000s for hanging out. We want to thank Austin for coming and hanging out. Dude Salud man. What a great episode. Dude, big deal man. Yeah, we had a lot of fun, it was so easy. Make sure you like and rate the show.